Letting go
by fiery-icicles
Summary: Update! Heero breaks it off with Duo to be with Trowa. On a mission, Duo submits himself to torture in place of Trowa. but this has broken the lively young man who was always smiling and laughing. Can the other pilots help him? One torture scene.
1. heartbreak

I know many people who start of stories like this….but trust me when I say this is going to be different later on   
  
Disclaimer: I wish, but no. I don't own the GW boys.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Heero!" A voice yelled and a lithe body was thrown against him and Duo enthusiastically welcomed his lover back from his mission. "You're back!" He hugged the stoic pilot once again for good measure and then turned to Trowa. "How did it go?" Bright amethyst eyes sparkled with happiness on getting his lover back.  
  
"Mission accomplished." Trowa said casually, but he seemed to be avoiding meeting Duo's eyes. Not that the American pilot noticed. "No injures."  
  
"Great! Come on, Heero. Let's go inside. I have something planned for you. A picnic! Lets go!" Duo caught the other's arm and started to drag him into the house when Heero stopped him. Turning he met with two intense cobalt eyes that were looking at him with guilt and sadness.  
  
"What's wrong?" Duo asked concerned, sliding closer to the dark-haired pilot. Heero turned away from him to look at Trowa, and then turned back to him, as Trowa stepped inside the house to give them some privacy.  
  
"Duo, I need to talk to you for a moment." Heero led the braided pilot to the steps of the porch and coaxed him to sit down. Duo followed, uncertain of what Heero was going to say.  
  
"Duo…I can't…" The Japanese pilot swallowed forced himself to look up at the other. "I can't…be in a relationship with you anymore."  
  
Duo's eyes widened as his mouth hung open in shock. Clearly he had not been expecting that. "What?" He managed to croak out. This couldn't be happening.  
  
Heero sighed and looked away. "I know…that this is hard to…accept. But I've found someone else. Who…makes me very happy." He looked at Duo again, pleading with his eyes for Duo to understand. "I'm sorry, Duo."  
  
This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not again. Another person he loved was leaving him, just like everyone else had. His mom, Solo, Father Maxwell…Sister Helen…and now, Heero… "Who?" He asked, his voice tight from holding back tears. He would not cry. He would not give Heero the pleasure of seeing him cry.  
  
"Duo, please…"  
  
"WHO?" He asked a little more forcefully, furiously blinking back the tears that threatened to tear him apart and leave him whimpering like a child.  
  
Heero looked away again. One word fell from his lips, shattering Duo's heart.   
  
"Trowa."  
  
The world had come crashing down on Duo then. Heero had left him, not for someone that he wasn't familiar with but for another pilot who just happened to be one of his best friends. He got up shakily, his legs wobbling and backed away, shaking his head. "No…no…this isn't happening…no…"  
  
"Duo…" Heero stood up too, reaching for Duo, when the American pulled back with a primal cry.  
  
"NO!"  
  
The shout caused the other three pilots to come racing out of the safe house. They took one look at Duo and Heero and knew what was happening. Trowa had told them what had gone on in the mission along with Heero and his relationship. Wufei's expression was impassive, Quatre's was sympathetic and Trowa's guilty. Duo only looked at Trowa, the hurt evident in his large amethyst eyes. Trowa returned the gaze guiltily, just as Quatre gave a sudden gasp and fell back against Wufei.  
  
"Quatre!" Wufei caught his lover as the blond sagged in his arms, worry clouding dark onyx eyes. Quatre cried out as sharp pain lanced through his chest, unbearable, as though cutting him to pieces from the inside. He let out one hoarse word, through the pain. "Duo…"  
  
Trowa and Wufei quickly looked back at Duo who was still looking at them with pain in his eyes. The American gave one last look to Heero and whirled around, running off into the darkness, into the woods.  
  
"Duo!" Heero yelled but to no avail. He started to follow when Trowa stopped him with a hand on his arm.   
  
"Let him go." He said softly. "He needs to work through this." Heero looked uncertain, knowing that Duo could do something drastic when he was agitated, but he nodded his consent. Both of them turned towards Wufei who stood up with a trembling Quatre in his arms.  
  
"Let's get him inside." Heero said briskly and the pilots walked back together into the safe house.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Duo ran. Through the foliage, the bushes, the undergrowth, tripping over roots, he ran. He needed to get away from this madness that seemed to be chasing him. Branches caught and tore through his clothing, cuts and bruises forming from every time he bumped into something, blinded by his inner pain, but he paid them no heed. In a mindlessness that could even be called insanity, he ran.  
  
I can't…be in a relationship with you anymore.  
  
He ran faster…  
  
I've found someone else…  
  
Faster…  
  
who…makes me very happy...  
  
Weren't you happy with me, Heero?faster…faster…  
  
I'm sorry, Duo.  
  
No…faster…he couldn't breathe…  
  
Who?…Trowa.  
  
Duo fell to the ground on his knees and threw his head back, letting out a wail into the dark night. Above him, the skies began to weep.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
let me know what you think! I might continue it if I get enough feedback 


	2. facade

Whee! Another chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: not mine  
  
------------------------------------  
  
It was beyond midnight when Duo returned to the safe house. It was still raining. He had sat on the forest floor for almost the entire day without food or water [unless you count the rain] asking pointless questions as to why Heero had betrayed him. Even though he had come to accept that his life was screwed up and he could never hold on to anything important, it still hurt. More so because he had thought that, for the first time, Heero was someone who would love him forever and Duo had trusted him implicitly to not let go. It just so happened that he was wrong once again in his wretched life. So there he was sitting on the wet ground surrounded by mud and grimy leaves, huddled in a shivering ball when he decided that he would stop hoping and expecting anything that might be worthwhile to come into his life and stay for good. Deciding to try and lessen his own pain and Quatre's, since the blond could basically feel everything he felt, the American had put up metal blocks and shut himself off from the pain, sending it to a little corner where it would be bottled up until he decided otherwise.  
  
And now as he entered the safe house, soaked to the bone, though oddly enough he couldn't feel it, he found all the lights off, except for the fire in the living room. There was a couch directly in front of the fire and from behind, standing at the doorway, Duo could make out a head over the top of the couch. The person got up and walked around it, heading towards him and Duo could tell it was Wufei because of the short stature and the graceful stride. The Chinese pilot stood before him, onyx eyes glittering with…what? He couldn't tell.  
  
"Duo?" The said pilot almost laughed out loud. How ironic it was, that this was the time when Wufei chose to address him with his first name. He took deep breaths, controlling his laughter. He knew where that would end up, down the hysterical road and the little bottomless pit that he liked to call 'nervous breakdown'.  
  
"Is Quatre okay?" He whispered softly, once he was sure that he wouldn't be taking a trip down that road. The Chinese pilot gave a tight nod, wondering as to why Duo was not meeting his eyes.  
  
"Hai. He's fine. After a while, the pain stopped. He's asleep on the couch." Wufei searched Duo's face for something, anything at all, but found his face completely devoid of emotion. "How about you? Are you okay?"  
  
Duo gave no reply, his head turned towards the couch. Wufei tried again. "You haven't eaten all day. Quatre was worried. Do you want-" He was cut of by a sharp retort.  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
Hurt and taken aback, but determined to take care of his friend, Wufei bulled forward. "You have to eat, Duo…"  
  
The Deathscythe pilot's head snapped up to look at him and Wufei hissed in shock. Those amethyst eyes, which were so full of life, were…dead. There was nothing in them. Not even pain. It was a seemingly endless void that threatened to swallow him whole.   
  
"I said, I'm not hungry." The reply came tersely. Wufei ducked his head in submission. Violet eyes softened and one hand came up to rest on a bronze shoulder. Wufei looked up again, almost afraid to see those eyes again.  
  
"I'll be fine. I'll eat in the morning." Wufei nodded and turned back towards the couch. Duo watched as the Chinese pilot lifted the blond Arabian into his arms, cradling him protectively and heading upstairs. The braided pilot shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. There was once a time when Heero used to cradle him like that.  
  
…Not anymore.  
  
Straightening his shoulders, he followed the couple upstairs once he was sure that they had disappeared into their own room. Lost in his thoughts, he moved to his and Heero's room and opened the door without realizing it. Once inside he looked up and his breath caught in his throat.  
  
Through the window the moonlight filtered in, the clouds moving out of the way, highlighting two forms on the bed. Two naked forms on the bed. Duo backpedaled so fast that he thought he was going to fall. Closing the door, Duo paused in shock. Trowa was sleeping on his bed. HIS bed. Now where was he supposed to sleep for the night? There was no way he could go in, even to get his clothes without waking one or both of them up. And he was wet. He considered sleeping in Trowa's room that night, but the thought of having anything to do with him unleashed the pain. Sighing, he headed downstairs back to the living room.  
  
He stood there staring at the fire for a while. It lit him up in an ethereal glow, making him the god of death in a very literal sense. Yeah, the fires of hell. Smirking slightly, he contemplated on what to do next. He figured he would be warmer without the wet clothes so stripping down to his boxers, he climbed onto the couch and pulled the afghan from the top, and wrapped his shivering form in it. Despite the fire's warmth, his skin felt chilled. Well, duh, considering it was about 30 degrees outside. Shutting his eyes, he tried to lose himself in oblivion but sleep evaded him.  
  
Instead memories flooded him, of old, old times. The taunting voices of federation soldiers at the Maxwell church massacre. Them mocking him at an attempt to steal a mobile suit. But he had proved them wrong. But to what avail? They had destroyed the church either way and it was all his fault.  
  
I'm so sorry, Sister Helen. He thought to himself. And from somewhere, a whisper of reassurance.  
  
It's not your fault, Duo. Live. Live and be happy.  
  
Tears began to well up in his eyes and he forced them back. Boys don't cry, kid Solo's voice whispered in his ear.  
  
"You're right, Solo. Boys don't cry." He whispered even as tears escaped. Exhausted, he fell gratefully into oblivion.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
In the morning, Heero woke up in Trowa's arms. It surprised him a little when he found no 3 foot long braid tangled around him. He sighed snuggling back down, burrowing deeper into Trowa's warmth, when he suddenly wondered about where Duo must have slept that night. Gently untangling himself from Trowa's arms, he tugged on a pair of jeans and made his way to Trowa's room. Nope. No one there. Next he headed downstairs and made his way to the living room. There he was!  
  
Walking over, he knelt quietly beside the couch and looked at the beautiful face. He flinched internally as he saw the tearstains on those pale cheeks. Duo never cried. Never. It had something to do with his childhood, Heero couldn't quite place it, but he never cried. Reaching towards the sleeping pilot, he stroked the braid, startled to find it damp. He touched his fingers to the other's cheek and hissed, finding it ice cold. Looking at the rest of him, Heero realized that Duo was clad only in a pair of boxers with a thin afghan covering him. He cringed when he understood that Duo couldn't come into his own room because of Trowa. So the American had resorted to freezing his ass off. Heero kicked himself mentally for being so insensitive. Of course Duo's pride wouldn't let him enter the room, he should have known that. He was still cursing himself when Duo showed signs of rousing.  
  
Amethyst eyes blinked open lazily and found Heero's face hovering over him. Duo smiled softly and greeted him. "Morning, love."  
  
Heero stiffened at the endearment and though he tried to keep it from showing, Duo noticed. Well, he also noticed that Heero wasn't giving him a good morning kiss and wondered why. Then everything came flooding back to him. Heero's confession, the forest, Trowa and Heero in his room, everything. He gasped and sat up, clutching the afghan close to him, in an attempt to cover his near-nakedness. Didn't see the point really, since Heero had seen him nude several times.  
  
Heero winced at the sudden reaction and looked at duo. He cared for the pilot, didn't love him, not anymore, but still cared for him. Duo for his part was staring at the blanket on his lap.  
  
"Sorry. Habit." He muttered.  
  
"Duo…" Heero reached for the other pilot only to have him scoot away.  
  
"Don't." The American said harshly.  
  
"Please Duo…"  
  
"No. No more hopes. No more dreams." Duo whispered cruelly. "One heartbreak is enough. No more."  
  
Heero watched helplessly as Duo buried his face on his raised knees and wrapped his arms around himself. As of right now, there was nothing Heero could do. He got up and walked into the kitchen.  
  
Duo sat there for a long time, not moving, cursing himself for making that slip. He is not your love anymore! A voice whispered harshly in his head. He's Trowa's. Remember? Your ex-best friend. Thoughts twisted and jumbled around in his mind as he fought to regain the cold demeanor from last night. Once he was control, he raised his head and listened to the sounds coming from the kitchen. Trowa and Heero. And Wufei. Which means Quatre must still be asleep. Getting up, he snuck upstairs to Heero's and Trowa's room, as it was now and pulled out his black duffel bag. Emptying the drawers of his clothes, the shelves of his cds, and his various magazines, he stuffed them all into his duffel bag and fairly ran out of the room. Next stop, bathroom, for a quick shower. When he was done, he dressed in black jeans and black t-shirt along with a gray sweater and stored his duffel bag in one of the bathroom shelves and headed on downstairs, pulling his hair into a damp braid.  
  
Walking into the kitchen, he spotted the three pilots, though he only chose to greet one. "Hey Wufei. What's for breakfast?" He headed over to where Wufei was standing, and jumped up onto the counter beside him.  
  
"Pancakes." Came the reply from Heero. Duo looked past Wufei to where Heero was standing. The Japanese pilot didn't look at him, seemingly engrossed with flipping pancakes. "Chocolate chip." He added slowly, looking at him now.  
  
Well, Damn. That hit below the belt. Chocolate chip pancakes were Duo's favorite. But that wasn't going to make up a broken heart. He opened his mouth to refuse any, when Wufei's hand on his knee and his glare warned him. Duo had promised to eat breakfast. Duo and Wufei communicated silently, Duo begging Wufei to let him go and Wufei not relenting. Finally the Chinese pilot turned and piled pancakes on a plate and handed it to Duo, gesturing him to go sit at the dining table where Trowa was currently eating breakfast.  
  
"I'm going to go wake up Quatre." Wufei glared at Duo to make him stay at the table and walked out of the kitchen. Duo for him part stared at his plate, eating slowly. Trowa tried to catch his eye, but Duo refused to look up. Heero came over to the table, pancakes in hand.  
  
"More, Duo?" Duo looked at him blankly and realized that he had finished what was on his plate without even realizing it.   
  
"No thank you." He got up plate in hand and walked over to the sink, washing it. At that time Quatre and Wufei entered the kitchen, and Duo found himself with an armful of blond.  
  
"Duo! You're okay! Where were you?!? I was so worried. When did you get back?" A flurry of questions raced by him.  
  
"Good morning, Quatre." Duo replied smiling at the blond head pillowed against his chest. "I'm okay. I just went out for a little while. I'm sorry I worried you." He didn't answer the last question.  
  
Wufei was smiling at the scene that they made when something suddenly occurred to him and he frowned. "Duo? Where did you sleep last night?" Both Duo and Heero stiffened, as the American gently untangled himself from the blond's embrace.  
  
"The couch." He muttered, but everyone heard him.  
  
"You could have used my room." Trowa said softly. Duo turned to look at him disbelievingly.   
  
"I do not go around sleeping in other people's beds without asking them." He said icily. Trowa winced. Duo moved to leave the kitchen when Trowa called out to him.  
  
"Can't we talk about this? I thought we were friends."  
  
Duo laughed hollowly and replied without turning. "Rule number two about friendship, Trowa – never go after your friend's lover. You gave up my friendship when you did that."  
  
"And what would rule number one be?" Heero asked indifferently. This time Duo turned to give them both a pained look.  
  
"Never betray their trust." Those quiet words echoed as Duo strode out of the kitchen, leaving 2 guilty pilots and 2 miserable ones.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
lemme know what you think?? Please? [points at review button] 


	3. Mission

Disclaimer: Mine! All mine, I tell you! Bwahahha!  
  
………….  
  
…………………..  
  
…………………………….  
  
……………….Ok fine! Not mine! [mutter] stupid authorities…  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
The four pilots were left standing in the kitchen, staring at the doorway through which Duo had disappeared. They were, to say the least, surprised at Duo's behavior. He never acted like that, despite how bad things got. So this was all very new to them.  
  
Heero sighed, moving over to where Trowa stood, as the Latin pilot continued to stare at the doorway. The HeavyArms pilot was lost in his own world. He had lost his best friend for his lover. How cruel was life going to be on him?  
  
"It'll be okay." Heero said softly, rubbing soothing circles on Trowa's back. "Duo will bounce back. He always does." He meant it as a comfort, but the moment the words passed from his lips, Quatre was on him, fire blazing in the marine depths.  
  
"OKAY? BOUNCE BACK? In what WORLD are YOU?!!" The blond yelled, getting right in Heero's face, some small part of him surprised that he wasn't dead already from opposing Heero. Then again it was probably the fact the Wufei was his lover and the two oriental pilots were pretty evenly matched.  
  
"Quatre..." Wufei reached for his lover, but the Arabian shook him off. The blond could be quite evasive when he needed to be.  
  
Heero was surprised to see such anger from Quatre but he did not back down. "Duo has to accept the fact that I don't love him anymore." He said with a frown. "And what about Trowa? He just lost his best friend. "  
  
"What about Duo?!?" Quatre was ready to strangle Heero by now. "He lost his best friend and his lover! But no! You wouldn't think about that, now, would you?!?"  
  
Heero opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no sound came out. Quatre was on a rampage and he wasn't going to stop until he finished speaking his mind. "You love Trowa. Fine. But are you so insensitive that you didn't think about what his reaction is going to be when he saw you two in bed? His bed? Where he was supposed to sleep? No! You didn't think about that either!"  
  
"Every single freaking time either of you go on a mission, he becomes so freaking worried and depressed. Did you know that he has hardly eaten more than two meals this whole week? And when he heard that you were coming back, he decided to plan a picnic for you. Wufei and I were glad that he was finally starting to become enthusiastic about something and then you get here and break the news before he even has a chance to recuperate himself. Then he ends up being gone all day and wouldn't have eaten anything."  
  
Quatre took a deep breath to calm himself. As it was, he didn't think his voice could go a decibel higher. When he spoke again, his voice was low and icy cold that he could imagine the windows frosted over. "You may to care for your ex-lover or your friend," He shot a look at Trowa. "But I do. And I will not have him damaging his well-being just because the two people that he loved the most chose to be insensitive jerks and not care."  
  
He turned and strode out the kitchen, Wufei following him after giving the remaining two pilots a look that would make one crawl underneath. Well, good. They were supposed to feel like shit.  
  
Quatre had turned around the corner to head up the stairs when he almost collided with a figure dressed in all black. Duo reached out a hand to steady him before he fell over.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre blinked up at the American pilot, noting his attire. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Mission. One week. Move to new safehouse. Here's the address." Duo handed him a piece of paper. Quatre frowned. Something was missing. Talking to Duo felt…strange.  
  
"Thanks. Be careful?" Duo nodded, both at him and at Wufei before disappearing out the door.  
  
Frowning, Quatre turned to his lover. "Wufei…something is weird. Did Duo seem alright to you?"  
  
Wufei snorted. "You mean except for the fact that he is heartbroken and not happy?"  
  
"Not happy…" Quatre thought about what Wufei said for about a minute before he realized something. "That's it Wufei!"  
  
"Huh?" Clearly the oriental pilot was very confused.  
  
"He's not happy. That's why it feels so strange. Usually when I talk to Duo, there is this cheerful aura around him. It wasn't there because He's not happy."  
  
"So he's sad?" Wufei had a way of putting things simple manner.  
  
"No, not exactly." Quatre bit his lower lip, a habit from his childhood. "He wasn't sad. Or at least I don't think so. There was this aura of…nothingness around him. It's like he has no emotions. Kinda like how Heero used to be before…before he and Duo fell in love with each other."  
  
Meeting Wufei's dark eyes, Quatre went into his arms and buried his face in the crook of the warm neck. "Oh Wufei, Duo's going through so much that I think he has decided to stop feeling anything." His words were somewhat muffled as they were said against Wufei's soft skin. "I want to help him but I don't know how." Pulling back, he looked up at Wufei. "What do I do?"  
  
"Hope, little one. Hope. For now that is all that we can do." Came the quiet reply.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
I don't like this chapter all that much….but I do love it when Quatre goes ballistic.  
  
Quatre: [blush]   
  
Duo: aww! That is so cutee! [glomps Quatre]  
  
Trowa: get away from him. He's mine!  
  
Duo: ah poo! Fine be that way! And you left Heero?  
  
Heero: Baka. That is only for the story and because the author [Icy] likes to mix things up.  
  
Icy: I like variety. [shrug]  
  
Duo: aww! So you really do love me?  
  
Heero: [smirk] baka.  
  
Duo: [snuggle] Where is Fei-koi?  
  
Wufei: right here. And don't call me that.  
  
Duo: [glomp] then what should I call you, my little booboo?  
  
[Trowa, Quatre and Heero snicker while Wufei blushes]  
  
Wufei: [groan] Nataku, help me!  
  
1x2x5 and 3x4 rule! Whee! And yes, I live in a sick twisted world….  
  
Review! Review! Review! 


	4. Caught!

Someone please come up with a better summary for this story…because currently, it sucks!   
  
Disclaimer: All mine!!!! Bwahahahaha! ……..k, fine! Not mine!   
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
"Trowa! Mission! Solo!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
Duo scrunched up his nose in disgust. His entire OZ uniform was starting to stink after climbing around in sewers. At least, it was only for a couple more days. Not that going back was going to be any better. He certainly wasn't in a hurry for a pilot's reunion kind of thing. Which was what Quatre would do.  
  
All the explosives had been set. He had used very powerful ones since it was a bigger base than the usual. Walking down the hallway, to his 'quarters' he thought about the last week's occurrences. About Heero. Trowa's Heero. Not his anymore. God help him, but he still loved the Japanese pilot. And while he wanted the other to be happy, Duo couldn't help feeling hurt. Especially after so many times that he had gotten hurt previously. Trowa was his best friend too. Yah, a lot of people think that Quatre would be, but together both of them simply talked too much. With Trowa, there was always someone to listen and Duo would return the favor by listening to Trowa too.  
  
"…yah, you know, Trowa Barton, the gundam pilot…"  
  
Duo's head shot up as he heard his best friend's name. Two other OZ soldiers were sauntering past him, talking about Trowa? Wait, he knew their names. Jack and…and Rolfe.  
  
"Hey Rolfe, Hey Jack." He called out, hoping to turn them back. And sure enough they did.  
  
"Hey Max!" Rolfe greeted him back, where as Jack merely nodded. "What's up?"  
  
"Nothing much. But what's up with the rumor about that gundam pilot?" Duo asked breezily, hoping to make it sound as though he actually knew what the rumor was.  
  
"Yah, man. I can't believe it either. Never thought a gundam pilot would be so easily captured." Ah, so Trowa was captured. But where?  
  
"Where was it that they were taking him? I forgot." Duo smiled and shrugged, making it seem like he forgot things all the time.  
  
"He was captured just outside the base. So I'm guessing he's coming in here." Oh Shit!  
  
"Well boys, looks like we have to careful, ne?" He said chuckling. The other two laughed with him and bid their farewells.   
  
Slipping into his room, he closed the door and leaned back against the door. He had to get Trowa out of here. But how? Hm, he would probably be kept on the third floor. That was where all the prisoners were usually kept. Moving to his bed, he pulled out a map from under the bed. Hm…if he went through there,…and got off here, it should work. Putting down the map, he quickly redressed himself in his priest outfit and slipped out the room soundlessly.  
  
Meanwhile….  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
"So, Nanashi, we meet again."  
  
Trowa remained silent, sitting on the dirty floor of his cell, hands tied behind his back, feet toed together. The man hovering over him, was his old torturer from his mercenary days.  
  
"So what would you be doing here, hm?" Steely blue eyes glinted as his lips curled into a feral smile. The Latin pilot remained silent. "Answer me!" Pulling his arm back, the bigger man belted Trowa so hard that he fell onto his side, blood pouring from his mouth.  
  
"Don't want to talk, do ya?" The red-headed monsters snarled as he grabbed Trowa by his hair and yanked him into an upright position. Looking Trowa' directly in the eye, he growled. "Still proud, are we?" Trowa didn't even flinch as the bad breath floated across his face.  
  
"I remember. You were so hard to break." He chuckled lowly. Leaning closer, he whispered into Trowa's ear. "But I succeeded, didn't I?" a hand stole down between Trowa's legs to fondle him.  
  
"But you poor thing." He shook his head, pretending to be sad. "You hadn't even hit puberty then." Trowa made to look away, but the man forcefully gripped his chin and turned to face him again. "But this time…hn, I'm going to have fun breaking you no matter how many times it takes."  
  
Leaning forward again, he whispered squeezing Trowa's ass. "And the more the better."   
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
Duo ran through the corridors and up the stairs, his boots making no noise on the floor. After All, he wasn't called the master of Stealth for nothing. Reaching the top floor, he raced off into the dimly lit corridor, blending in with the shadows, hoping to reach the cell before anything bad happens.  
  
He easily recognized the one with Trowa in it. After all it was the only one with a guard standing outside. Sneaking up behind the six-foot tall monstrosity, he took him out with a forceful blow to the head and the groin. The guard never even knew what hit him.  
  
Slipping out his lock picks from his hair, he quickly unlocked the cell and darted in. His eyes adjusted quickly to the dark and focused on a form lying on the ground, unconscious. Walking over, he knelt beside the figure and turned it over, confirming it to be Trowa. Damn. What a time for him to be unconscious.  
  
Thinking quickly, Duo ran over the possible escapes in his mind. With Trowa unconscious, it was going to be hard. He could carry him out, but that would leave him unable to fight. He could leave and come back later, but who knows what would have happened by then. Deciding to take his chances, Duo hefted Trowa's body over one shoulder and made sure that his gun was easy to reach. Making sure that nobody except the knocked out guard was outside, he slipped out and made to get out of here. He had already gotten the data and set the explosives. Oh damn! He knew he had forgotten something. He had left the detonator back in his room. Well, no choice to go and get it.  
  
Making his way through rarely used corridors, Duo made his way through the three levels. But just as soon as he thought he was face, he met up with two soldiers.  
  
"Shit." Pulling out his gun, he quickly fired of shots, taking them out. But unfortunately, pain lanced up his thigh as a bullet embedded itself. Turning around, he saw another guard directly behind him and felt a hard blow to his head before he fell to the floor unconscious.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
More torture coming up next! Please review! 


	5. Torture

Disclaimer: not mine.

Reposted: explicit torture scenes. No rape.

Warnings: Torture, crude language, blood [that is to be expected]

When he came to, Duo found himself tied to the wall, his arms wrenched over his head. Manacles were around his wrists and the chains were attached to the ceiling. Groaning, Duo tried to decrease the pressure on his shoulders but wasn't able to. On top of that, he had a pounding headache and felt like someone was hammering away inside his head.

Hell, what hit me? 

The lights were dim so he didn't have much trouble opening them. Looking around, he saw that he was in a strange room. Off to one side, there was a fireplace, the fire burning merrily, and couches and such and on the other side, where Duo was situated, was some sort of medical lab. There was a metal table, on which, Duo found Trowa lying down flat, face up. His wrists and ankles were strapped down, and he looked as though he was asleep.

"Trowa? Trowa?" He called out softly. There was no response. "Come on, Tro, wake up." He moaned piteously as the ache in his shoulders made itself more known. Mumbling curses, he tried to see if he could reach the lock picks in his hair, but his arms were too far up.

Suddenly the door swung open and bright light filled the room, causing Duo to reflexively shut his eyes tight.

"Well, well, well. I see you're awake." A voice sneered. Painfully, Duo opened his watering eyes and forced them to adjust to the harsh light. He could see the shadow of a three men stepping in and shutting the door behind him. The lights weren't too dim so he could see one of the men clearly. He reckoned that the other two were guards, looking at how they stayed near the door. Reverting his eyes to the third, he studied him. Tall, Muscular, not too shabby looking. Red hair and blue eyes, along with a beard and a sneer etched upon thin lips.

"Name's Cain." The man chuckled after seeing Duo size him up. Walking over to the metal table, Cain reached out a hand and slowly caressed Trowa's bare chest. "Poor baby, still out of it."

Duo's eyes narrowed into slits and he spoke, his voice cold and dangerous. "Get your filthy hands off of him."

The other man looked surprised. A smirk slowly formed on his face. Walking around the table and towards Duo, he stopped in front of the American pilot.

"Oh? What are you? His lover?"

Duo saw red and fury heated his belly, but he wisely refused to answer. Such information was not necessary.

Cain sighed and turned to look at Trowa. "Beautiful, isn't he? I remember the first time I saw him. It was in one of those mercenary camps. He made me hard just by looking at him, the little bitch that he was."

Duo's eyes widened at the implication. Trowa was...raped? Cain smirked again before continuing. "Oh yes, the older officers and I had loads of fun with him. I bet he was fun for you too, ne?"

Duo opened his mouth to retort but then snapped it shut as he realized that Cain still thought that he was the other's lover. Instead he hissed out, "Go to Hell, bastard."

Fire ignited in those cold blur eyes and Duo could do nothing for the blow that came at his gut. Letting out a whoosh of air, he tried to curl himself as much as he could to reduce the pain.

"I will not have anyone disrespecting me." Cain snarled out, wrenching Duo's head up by his hair. The deathscythe pilot quickly stifled a whimper as his hair was almost ripped out by its roots.

Leaning closer to Duo, he said softly. "You know what? I think I'll have some fun with you until pretty boy over there wakes up. James! Heat up a knife!"

One of the guards moved towards the fireplace, pulling out a gleaming knife and Cain began to undress him. "What-what are you doing? No! Stop!" Duo cried out, struggling to kick the man away. That only brought a severe blow to his head and he could only moan piteously as the world spun dizzyingly for a few moments. When he came back to awareness, he found himself naked from waist up.

James brought the knife to Cain and the taller man took it with a smirk. "Let's begin, shall we?"

Duo saw Cain step behind him and after a moment, pain shot up his shoulders as the other man cut a deep gash across his shoulders. He nearly cried out but forced himself to remain silent. He was a soldier, a gundam pilot. He was trained to withstand torture. But gods! The pain was so intensely dizzying as Cain artfully carved his back. Blood dripped down the clean tiled floor, contrasting the blood red with the stark white.

Cain's eyes caught an crazed glimmer and his lips stretched in a insane smile. "Hm...blood. I love the color. I love the pain. Do you feel the pain? Come on, let me hear the pain. Let me HEAR THE PAIN!!!" his voice rose as he cut a particularly deep gash down the middle of Duo's back. Still Duo bit his lips and forced himself to be silent. But he was starting to feel dizzy from the excessive loss of blood from his body and Cain showed no signs of stopping.

"Fine! You want to be that way?! We'll see about that!" Cain snarled angrily. Stepping back in front of the trapped pilot, he tore the pants off of him and brought the heated knife to the tender skin of his inner thighs.

With pain already blazing on his back, Duo couldn't stand the onslaught on one of his tender areas. He screamed.

"Yes, that's it. Scream. Scream for me!"

And Duo did. Not because Cain ordered him to, but because the pain was so intense that he couldn't help himself.

Then, over the screams, came a soft whimper. And a whisper. "Please. No. Let him go..."

Cain turned and looked at Trowa who was slowly coming awake. "Please..." He whispered again.

"Trowa..." Cain drawled out. "What? You don't like this?"

The Latin pilot slowly shook his head. "Please, I beg of you. Let him go..."

The other laughed. Simply laughed. "Well, my boy, I rather like you begging me, so no. And I think that it would hurt you more to see your lover tortured than yourself. So why would I stop?"

"Please..."

"Shut up and stay down." Cain snarled when Trowa moved to break the bonds. Not that he was strong enough to.

"Please...let him go...he's not my lover..."

"Ha! You would say that! I don't believe you!"

"He's not..."

"SHUT UP! I've had enough of your nonsense!" Cain yelled, his eyes insane as he brought his knife up and cut a deep slash diagonally across his torso.

"You like that?" He taunted Trowa, as he cut Duo savagely. "You like seeing your lover get tortured? Filthy little bitches!" In a moment of rage, Cain brought the knife up and severed off the braid.

Trowa's eyes filled with horror as he saw the sacred braid fall to the bloodied floor. Duo's most prized possession other than his cross. Duo fell silent as his eyes watched the only thing that held good memories fell to the ground. The light went out from his eyes, he simply stared at the braid, slowly shutting everything out.

But Cain was too far gone. It took him a while before he noticed that all was quiet. Running a hand through his mussed hair, he aimed a final smirk at the two.

"Hn. I'll have to come back later when he's capable for screaming. Let's hope you don't forget this." With that, he turned and strode out the room, leaving Duo still staring down at his braid and Trowa with tears running down his face.

I know I was horrible to Duo and Trowa in this chapter. But in the next one, they're going to be in the safehouse and the others will take care of them.

[sniff] I feel bad...

Reviewww!


	6. tempers

Disclaimer: I do not own GW.

Sorry for the delay! I was sick and wasn't allowed out of bed...and believe me when I saw desktops do not make comfortable laptops! . 

ON WITH DA STORY!

"Where is he?" Heero gritted out as he paced along the living room floor. The carpet was definitely wearing out. Quatre and Wufei were on the couch, also worried about the return of Trowa. And Duo for that matter.

"Heero. We're all worried." Quatre said, trying to pour oil on the raging waters. "It's not going to make Trowa or Duo come back any sooner just because you decided that you didn't like the carpet."

"Who cares about Duo?!? It's Trowa that I'm worried about." Heero said explosively. Then he stopped and realized what he had said. Turning towards the other two on the couch, Quatre's pain-filled eyes and Wufei's steely orbs met his own horrified ones.

"Shit! I didn't-I didn't mean that, Quatre! It's just-I'm really worried!" Heero said desperately hoping to make them understand.

"You did mean that, Yuy." Wufei glared at the Japanese pilot. If looks could kill, Heero would be a puddle of goo on the floor. "You're so upset that Trowa is not taking it well that you are starting to blame Duo for it."

"I am not!" Heero replied hotly.

"Yes, you are. You think it's his fault, don't you?" Wufei sneered at him, onyx orbs blazing.

And then Heero lost it. "Yes! I think its his fault! If it weren't for him, Trowa wouldn't have been distracted when he went on that mission. Now who knows what might have happened? Or didn't you check, Duo's mission and Trowa's were on the same base! I swear to god, if that bastard did anything to compromise Trowa, I'll-"

His words were cut off as Wufei suddenly lunged at him and punched him in the gut. The Japanese pilot stumbled back with a grunt, holding his stomach protectively. But Wufei was too far-gone to care. Somewhere in the background, he heard Quatre yelling, "Wufei, no!" but for now all he could hear was the blood rushing past his ears. He grabbed Heero by the collar and pulled him close.

"Now you listen and listen carefully." Wufei hissed out, menacingly. "I don't give a damn about who you are screwing. But after all that shit that you put Duo through, he very least he deserves is your respect. You didn't see him that night. I did."

"The look in his eyes was so haunted. No smiles, no laughs. The jester's mask was gone and you know what I saw? A helpless kid. Who was trying to cope with his broken heart and the only way for him to do so was to shut everything out. This war has made all of us orphans, but I believe that together we have found a family, who helped each other out. And for the first time, I felt as though I wasn't doing my job. No one should have to be alone but in that moment, HE was. And there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to help him."

"Understand this, Yuy. Duo was the one thing that held together this family. His laughter, his laid-back attitude and his constant effort to get us to communicate with each other was the base of our relationship. But now it is gone. You may not give a damn that it is happening, but I do. And I want to bring that back. And I will not have you treat him like a worthless piece of shit. He thinks that of himself already. If you don't make an effort to at least be civil to him, or if you insult him any way again without reason, I will personally break every bone in your body and then some. Not even your Trowa could stop me then. Got that?"

Heero was speechless. He simply stared back at Wufei, finally aware of how dangerously close he had come to getting killed by the Chinese pilot. Just then, a knock sounded at the front door. Wufei stepped back, letting Heero go, but not taking his eyes off of him and he addressed his own lover. "Quatre?"

"I'll get it." The Arabian pilot assured as he got up and scampered down the hall. Opening the door carefully, he sighed with relief as he caught sight of Duo's amethyst eyes and opened the door fully. It revealed the American pilot, who happened to be carrying Trowa. "Lord! What happened?!?" He cried out.

Hearing Quatre, both Wufei and Heero rushed down the hall to see the same sight as Quatre.

"Trowa!" Heero cried, moving forward to take his lover from the other's arms. The Latin pilot seemed unconscious, his head lolling back and forth. His faces had bruises and after running his fingers over it, Heero could tell that his right cheekbone was shattered. Meeting Quatre's eyes, he turned and made his way upstairs, Quatre following Heero and Wufei going to the bathroom to get the med kit.

After the other pilots disappeared, Duo made his way upstairs and on to what he thought was Wufei's and Quatre's room since Heero had disappeared into the other. He knew the layout of the safehouse and their room had a queen bed and a single. Hence the only place he could stay. Quietly he made his way over to the bed and sat sullenly.

Meanwhile Heero and Quatre were trying to see what was wrong with Trowa. They had stripped him down and had been shocked to see the numerous amounts of bruises that marked his body. But except for a badly sprained wrist, nothing was all that serious.

Trowa groaned slowly coming to awareness. Opening his eyes, he saw Heero's worried face hovering over his. Trying to bring up a hand to touch that face, he croaked out. "Heero?" as though he couldn't quite believe that he was here.

The Japanese pilot grasped the hand and brought it to rest upon his cheek. "I'm here, love. What happened? Who did this to you?"

At that question, Trowa's eyes widened as he frantically looked around. Clutching at Heero, he gasped out. "Where...is Duo?"

Heero frowned. "Why, he's in the other..." He trailed off, his own cobalt eyes widening. Fury blazed in them as he pulled away from Trowa. "That bastard!" He strode out of the room while Trowa made a futile attempt to stop him. Turning he looked at Quatre.

"Quatre, please...stop him." He rasped out. "He...thinks...Duo did...this to me...Not true...stop...him."

By then, Heero had reached Duo's room and had flung the door open, striding in and taking the American by surprise.

"Hee-" was all Duo was able to get out before the Japanese pilot grabbed Duo but the front of his shirt and hauled him up and against a wall, pulling a sharp cry from Duo. In the back of his mind, he vaguely noticed that something was off with Duo's appearance but right now he wanted revenge.

"What the hell did you do to Trowa? Tell me! What did you do to him?!?" He shook the frail body and slammed it against the wall repeatedly, wringing harsh cries from Duo. Heero was so enraged that without thinking, he pulled his arm back and slapped Duo hard across his face.

_Crack!_

At the very same moment, Wufei came into the room and grabbed Heero but the shoulders, pulling him off of Duo. Quatre came a second behind him, just in time to see Duo slump down the wall leaving a trail of blood. His eyes widened in horror and he rushed forward to catch the body and lowered it to the floor.

"What the hell did you think you were doing, Yuy?" Wufei shouted, getting in Heero's face.

"Damnit, Chang! He hurt Trowa!"

"No!" That was from Quatre, who was holding Duo's weak body on his lap. "You rushed out before you could listen fully to Trowa. Duo did not do that to him."

"Then why-"Heero turned towards the blond, ready to retaliate when he caught sight of Duo and the words died on his lips. The reason as to why Duo looked different became clear. There was no braid.

Apparently the others hadn't noticed it either. Quatre frowned at the sudden change in Heero. "What's wrong?" He asked

Heero looked horrified as a broken whisper left his lips. "His braid..."

Wufei and Quatre looked back Duo and realized it too. Instead of the braid, shoulder length chestnut hair floated freely around Duo. When he came in, he must have hidden the hair beneath his shirt so that the others could take care of Trowa before him.

"Oh lords!" Quatre whispered horrified. On his lap, Duo had curled up into a tight ball and had started muttering.

"Don't let him hurt me...please...I'll be good...don't..." His voice was that of a six year old, trembling with fear.

Wufei noticed the trail of blood on the wall and came up beside Quatre, who was trying to calm Duo down. Heero simply looked shell-shocked.

"Shh, Duo. No one is going to hurt you. Calm down, its okay..."

Wufei touched the back of Duo's black shirt gently and his hand came away, stained with blood. Looking up at Quatre's desperate eyes, he said more calmly than he felt. "We need to get his clothes off of him."

Quatre nodded in understanding and leaned down to talk to the frail pilot. "Duo, you're injured. We need to remove your clothes, okay? We just want to make sure that you aren't too badly hurt."

Frightened amethyst eyes came to meet blue aquamarine ones. "You...you won't...hurt me?"

"No, no. We won't." Quatre immediately soothed. "You need to relax. You have my word that nothing will happen to you."

"O...okay." Somehow the six-year-old Duo trusted the blond, letting him and his partner move him to the bed, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling off his pants. All the while Quatre whispered softly to him, to keep him calm.

But once the clothes were removed, all the three pilots were in shock. It looked like someone had carved up Duo's back rather deeply, with something hot, as there was charred flesh in places. Even his thighs were marked with deep cuts.

Duo whimpered as it grew quiet. "Hurts..."

"It's okay, Duo. Why don't you take a nap? I'll give you something to help you sleep." Quatre moved quickly, taking out a bottle of morphine and a syringe and giving Duo a shot. Duo's body quickly went limp.

Once that was done, Quatre moved back and went into his lover's arms. The tears he had been holding back ever since he saw Duo on the ground spilled from his eyes, trailing down pale cheeks. As Quatre sobbed into Wufei's neck, the Chinese pilot wrapped his arms tight around the small pilot and buried his face into the soft blond hair. He felt his own tears pricking the back of his eyes but he forced them down.

"Oh Wufei!" Quatre's body shook with each sob, leaving him clutching at the other for support. "This is horrible! Who would do such a thing? I don't think this has to do with the OZ. Even they would have no reason to do this!"

"Shh, Quat. I understand. You're right. But who would have something against Duo?"

"They don't."

The three pilots turned to look at Trowa who had come into the room.

"Trowa! What are you doing?" Heero rushed to his side and helped the other pilot further into the room, coaxing him to sit down in one of the chairs.

Trowa sighed as he sank into the chair. Coming from one room to the other had taken a lot out of him. "Thanks, love." He said warmly to Heero and then turned to look at the other entwined couple. "That wasn't supposed to happen to him. It was supposed to me be."

Harsh gasps met his words but he continued ignoring them. "I was captured on the mission. My tormentor was someone from my past. A man known as Cain. He was a mercenary in one of the camps I was in. He...was one of the people who...r-raped me."

The stutter over the word 'rape' did not go unnoticed by the others. Heero, who was sitting in the other chair beside Trowa, pulled his lover into his arms, offering simple comfort.

"He recognized me and was planning to torment me again. At some point in time, I lost consciousness and when I came back to I saw Cain torturing Duo."

"I pleaded him to stop, but he didn't. He thought Duo was my lover and therefore I would feel greater pain to see someone that I loved tortured. I tried to tell him that He wasn't my lover, but he didn't believe me. And even Duo didn't say so otherwise." His voice cracked and he buried his face into Heero's shirt. "I think...Duo only did that so that...I wouldn't get raped again."

"No..." Quatre whispered horrified. He turned to look at the sleeping figure on the bed, so innocent, but if he looked close enough he could see the weariness, the dark circles under the eyes and the slight crease on his forehead that told him that the other was cautious even in his sleep.

Trowa paused to recompose himself and then continued his voice tight. "and...and then, when we escaped, Duo had stole a jeep and the only thing I remember him saying before I passed out was 'Heero will be glad to get you home. He'll take care of you. Don't worry.' Even though...Duo had meant it as a comfort, I felt like a bastard...because I knew that Duo felt that no one would be waiting for him to come home and to take care of him. It was as though...it didn't matter if he was hurt or not...because he was beyond caring. All he wanted to do was take me back to Heero." And then, his body started shaking with sobs, as Heero tried to comfort him in vain.

Quatre was shaking his head in denial as Wufei murmured softly to him. Time stood still for a while as four young men grieved and one slept with nightmares threatening on the edge of his dreamless sleep.

The part on how they escaped will come soon. I really wanted to write this chapter for a long time, Duo angst and all that. But do let me know if I missed something.

Review! Review! Review!


	7. reassurances

Thanks to my great reviewers!! This is going wonderfully!

Disclaimer: Do you think I'll be tying and posting on a FAN fiction site if I owned Gundam wing??

[...]

"How bad is it?"

Quatre sighed, rubbing one hand along his forehead. He looked exhausted, from working almost all night to take care of Duo. Wufei had finally managed to convince him to go to bed at around 4:30 in the morning, promising to call him if anything changed. But a couple hours of sleep did not do much good,

"It...required a lot of stitches. There were several deep gashes along the upper back that were much more serious than the rest. The worst one was one across the shoulders. It required sixty-seven stitches."

Heero gasped in shock and surprise that it was actually that bad. After getting the whole story from Trowa, the Japanese pilot felt incredibly guilty for hitting Duo. Even more so because Duo had submitted himself in place of Trowa for what could only be called _inhuman_ torture. And all of this happening right after he had broken it off with Duo.

"Can...can I see him?" He asked hesitantly, knowing that his request could be fully denied, but hoping that Quatre would let him.

"NO!"

That actually wasn't from Quatre, but was from Wufei who had walked into the living room. Onyx eyes blazing with fury, he looked very much like the dragon that the others referred him to.

Quatre started to protest. "Wufei, Heero has-" but was quickly silenced.

"No." Wufei repeated a little more coldly. "He is not going anywhere near Duo. Also its highly unlikely that Duo would want to see him after what he has done." Seeing Heero flinch slightly, he turned to the other. "Go near him and I will kill you. You've caused enough trouble. This is all your fault."

"_My _fault?" Heero was flabbergasted. What did he do?

"_Your_ fault. It was because of your indifference and you breaking off your relationship that this has happened."

"Are you saying that them going on a mission had something to do with me?"

"No, you fool! Do you really think that Duo would have submitted himself for torture that passively? According to Trowa, he didn't even fight back. Why do you think is that?"

Seeing that Heero really had no idea, Wufei continued. For being so perfect at everything, Heero didn't have a clue about how human minds work. "He didn't have anything waiting back here. So instead of finding another way out, he let the man Cain torture him like that. But I highly doubt that Duo knew that he was going to get raped. But even with just the torture, Duo would have definitely found another way out if things had been different."

"I'm guessing that some part of him thought it was his fault. That Heero had broke it off with him. I think he blamed himself for not loving you enough."

"But that's not true!" Heero protested. Damn if Wufei wasn't making him feel even guiltier.

"But do you think Duo's going to believe it?" Wufei shot back. "Just think for a second, Yuy. You know him better than all of us."

Heero was struck dumb at that. True, he did know Duo better than any of them, and what Wufei was saying made perfect sense.

"What have I done?!?" Heero wailed, dropping his head into his hands. _This is all my fault..._He thought in despair. _If I only I had known sooner._

"There is no point in crying over spilt milk." Wufei said harshly. Then his face softened. "But I have no idea what he's going to be like when he wakes up. There is only so much that one can take before-"

_CRASH!_

All three pilots jumped at the sudden noise. Even Trowa came out of the kitchen, inquiring. When it became evident that no one there was the cause of the crash, all of them took off running up the stairs, heading towards Duo's room.

They actually didn't have to go that far because they found Duo in the corridor, leaning against a wall for support, a vase lying broken at his feet.

"Duo!" The said pilot lifted wide, fearful eyes from the mess at his feet and looked at them.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" he started to apologize quickly as soon as he met Wufei's eyes, thinking that the Chinese pilot was made at the broken vase when it actually was over Duo getting out of him room.

"No, no. Don't worry about it." Quatre soothed, moving forward, carefully overstepping the broken pieces to stand next to Duo. "Are you okay?" Getting a blank stare, he added. "Are you hurt? Did you step on any of them?" He slowly led Duo past the broken pieces and onto safer territory.

"No...no, I didn't step on any of them. I just-Where's Trowa?" He asked looking around frantically.

"I'm right here." Trowa said stepping forward smoothly to take Duo's other arm and wrap it around his shoulders and wrapping his own arm around the smaller pilot's waist for support.

"You're okay?" Duo asked, almost disbelievingly. "You're not hurt? You're alright? What about Heero? Is he okay?"

"He's fine, Duo. I'm fine." Trowa said calmly, though a hint of pain seemed to pass through his voice.

"Really?" Duo looked around to find Heero's eyes. The Japanese pilot nodded confirming it.

"Really, Duo. We're both fine." Trowa repeated. "Is that why you came all the way from your room?"

Duo had the decency to look abashed. Flushing a delicate pink, he averted his eyes to the floor. "Well, yeah..."

"You could have called one of us." Trowa said softly. "Come on, let's get you back to the room."

Together, he and Quatre supported Duo back until they safely deposited him back on his bed. Though Duo tried to protest, the others were firm about this.

"No, Duo. You are going to stay in bed until you recover."

"But I'm fine!"

"No, you are not."

"I am too!"

"Are not."

"AM TOO!

"Are not, and that's the end of that."

"I'm glad."

"Huh?" The change was so sudden that it left everyone baffled. "About what?"

"That's you're not hurt." Duo grinned. "I'm glad."

Trowa's eyes softened and he reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind Duo's ear. "I'm glad too. Thank you, Duo." He whispered, words heavy with emotion.

Duo flinched when that strand of hair was tucked and he couldn't repress a shiver when Trowa thanked him. It brought back the memories of what had happened. Of what he was trying so hard to pretend as though it never did happen.

"Go on. Shoo." He waved them away, voice tight with holding back tears. "Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I need a babysitter. Besides I'm tired. I think I'll take a nap."

"All right. I'll call you for lunch then." Duo nodded in response and turned over to his side, eyes closing. The others quietly stepped out of the room, closing the door quietly.

A moment of silence passed through which no one wished to venture. They all were hurting in their own way.

"He seems all right." Quatre said softly.

"Outwardly." Wufei sighed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his white pants. "Inside...I don't think he's ready to deal with all of that. And the end result is that he ends up pushing it down so far that it seeps into his bones and stays there forever. We can't let that happen."

"I don't know what to do." Heero admitted. That itself was a big confession for the perfect soldier.

"The only thing we can do is to make sure that he doesn't do something drastic." Trowa said quietly. "If he can let himself be tortured willingly..." He shuddered. "I don't know what he will do after this."

"So its agreed then. At least one of us should always be there to keep an eye on him." Wufei stated.

Murmurs and nods in agreement. Wufei smiled grimly and walked towards the stairs. _We'll help you get through this, Duo. We will._

[...]

Next chapter: nightmares!! Bwahaha! They are so much fun! Well...not for Duo. But for me!!!

REVIEWWWW!!


	8. Nightmares

**IMPORTANT NOTE: I have changed the scene when Duo is captured by the OZ and he is not raped. Just tortured and got his braid cut off, which is a big thing since that is the reason he's having these nightmares. So if you would like, go read the last two chapters. But its not necessary as it's the same as I mentioned.**

**Disclaimer**: [sigh] this is getting old...I only write fanfics to the things that I do not own and therefore I do not own gundam wing.

I love all my reviewers!! Here's an update earlier than usual because I might be unable to do so for a while...

[......]

It was so very quiet that night. No crickets, no sounds, nothing except people breathing softly. It was calm...too calm. Like the false sense of stillness before a storm. A sleepless malice lurking in the darkness.

And then, a scream pierced through the silence, shattering as the storm broke through. Wufei immediately woke up, followed by Quatre. It took them a few moments for their sleep-clouded minds to realize that the source of the scream was from their room.

Both of them scrambled off the bed and moved to Duo's side, where his body was trashing and twisting in the sheets. Another scream tore through, echoing off the walls. But this time it was in a form of a word, but it was a scream nonetheless.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Wufei immediately caught the flailing arms so that Duo didn't hurt himself as Quatre tried to untangle him from the sheets. Just then, the door burst open and Heero and Trowa came in, their guns out. Wufei turned to look at them, glaring and they sheepishly put their guns away, before looking at what was going on. The Chinese pilot turned back to Duo in time for another scream, much louder and harsher than the others, as his back arched almost painfully. Collapsing back onto the bed, Duo curled himself into a ball and words fell from his lips.

"No...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...please...I'm sorry, so sorry..."

Wufei gathered the trembling pilot in his arms and rocked back and forth. Heero and Trowa were astonished at the sudden display of comfort from Wufei, having never seen this before. Quatre was not as surprised as he already knew that his lover was a kind and gentle soul beneath the hard mask. He stood beside the Chinese pilot and stroked the short uneven chestnut strands, murmuring softly.

"Shh...it's okay, Duo. It's just a dream...you're okay. No one's going to hurt you. Wake up. I'm here. Wufei is here. We're all here. Come back to us...it's okay..."

Duo shook his head and whimpered. "No...my fault. All my fault...they all died because of me...sorry, so sorry..."

"No, it's not your fault...you didn't do anything...its okay. We're here...wake up..." carefully, the Arabian soothed away the nightmare and coaxed the other to wakefulness. The shuddering subsided and the sobs ceased. And finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, amethyst eyes fluttered open and took a look at his surroundings.

"Duo?" Wufei called softly, pulling back just enough to see the other pilot's eyes.

"Fei?" Normally Duo would have grimaced that his voice was so unsteady, but right now he didn't even notice it. He didn't notice anything except Wufei.

"Yes, it's me. Are you all right?" Wufei brushed away the sweaty strands of hair that were sticking to the beautiful face. _Beautiful? When did I start thinking Maxwell was beautiful? Ch! Probably the lack of sleep._

Duo shook his head and buried his face into Wufei's chest. The shivering started up again.

"...Make them go away..."

Wrapping his arms tightly around the trembling figure, Wufei glared at the others and barked. "Everybody, out!"

They all scrambled. Just as Quatre was exiting the door, Wufei called to him. "Quat? Something hot for Duo to drink, please?" With a smile and a nod, the blond left the doorway quietly.

Moments passed where Wufei simply held Duo, once in a while, murmuring softly and running his fingers through the chestnut strands and petting his hair. Duo, for his part, clutched Wufei like a lifeline, trembling as though someone might take him away. Wufei was his anchor right now. He wouldn't let anything happen to him. He would keep him safe. No one could hurt him there. Not even nightmares.

"Oh Duo, what am I going to do with you?" Wufei sighed, one hand coming up to behind Duo's neck and unconsciously massaging. Duo slowly relaxed, Wufei's touch keeping him grounded and easing the tension in his muscles.

"You ready to go back to sleep yet?" Wufei asked softly. Oddly enough, Duo felt so good in his arms right now. Not as much as Quatre of course, but at the same time, it wasn't uncomfortable.

"No...I don't want to sleep..." Duo whispered, inhaling the spice and sandalwood combination of Wufei. Not familiar, but not unwanted.

A knock sounded on the doorway. Wufei looked up to see Quatre holding a mug in his hand. "I brought some hot chocolate."

Wufei graced his lover with one of his rare smiles and gestured him to come closer. Quatre handed him the cup and helped him to get Duo to pull back a little.

"Duo? Quatre brought you something to drink." He offered the mug to Duo, but the American shook his head and tried to snuggle back against Wufei.

"I don't want any."

"Please? Just a little." Wufei offered the cup to him again and Duo took it a little hesitantly. "Careful. It's hot."

Supporting the cup with one hand, Wufei let his other arm wrap around the thin shoulders as Duo drank slowly. Exchanging a look with Quatre, he nodded and turned back to Duo just as the other pushed the cup away. Handing the cup back to Quatre, he gently eased the other flat on to the bed.

"Why don't you try to get some more sleep?" Wufei suggested as he made a move to pull back, but Duo only clung on tighter, his hand fisting in Wufei's shirt.

"No...please, don't leave me..." The American pilot whimpered as he tried to pull the other closer to him. No. Wufei was leaving him. Everybody always left him.

Wufei sighed and gathered him back into his arms. "I'm not leaving..." Looking back again at Quatre, he asked silently whether it was okay for Duo to sleep on the same bed as them. Quatre nodded and leaned forward, brushing back Duo's hair from his face.

"Duo? If...you don't want be alone...would you mind if you slept on our bed? I'm sure there's enough space..."

Duo was quiet for a moment and then nodded. Heaving a silent sigh, Wufei picked him up, not bothering to ask him if he could walk and took him over to the other bed. Placing the other pilot down gently, he lay down beside Duo and the other immediately curled up against his chest, one hand clutching Wufei's shirt again. Wrapping a loose arm around Duo, he looked at Quatre and gestured him to come and lay down. The Arabian smiled softly and climbed on to the bed, dropping a light kiss on Wufei's lips before spooning behind Duo.

"Good night."

"'night."

"...good night."

[......]

I know it's a little shorter than usual but I wanted to do one final update before school starts. 'Let me cry' will probably be updated tomorrow.

REVIIEWW! As always...


	9. waking up

5x4 cuteness...they might become my new favorite couple o.O =]

Disclaimer: how many times do I have to say this? If they didn't read it in the last 8 chapters, they sure as heck aren't going to read it now!

[......]

Wufei woke up the next morning, blinking blearily at the morning sunshine streaming through the window. _Bleah, too bright. _He tried to turn over to the other side to escape the evil light, well...for him anyway, but found something obstructing his movement. Looking down, he saw chestnut curls. _Whaa?_ What happened to the usually blond curls?

Taking a closer look, he realized it was Duo and then everything came rushing back to him from last night. The nightmare, Duo's unwillingness to sleep on his own, everything. Wufei sighed, dropping his head back onto his pillow. Now, there was no way he could get out of bed. Instead he chose to observe Duo.

Soft chestnut curls cascading down to his shoulders, amethyst eyes now shut closed, eyelashes resting gently upon high cheekbones. A pert nose followed by delicate pink lips that were surely as soft to feel as they looked. Exotic. Duo was exotic. Beautiful.

_Whoa! That is the second time that I have thought of Duo as being beautiful. Dishonorable Chang!_ Turning his head to the side to study his own lover who was spooned behind Duo, Wufei smiled. Now Quatre was exotic too. To the finely shaped eyes and cheeks to the flush rosebud lips that were parted ever so slightly to let him breathe easily. To the graceful curve of his neck and the hollow of his throat, along with the tempting creamy skin that disappeared under the nightclothes teasingly. Hm. His blond angel was a walking temptation.

Ever aware of his lover's scrutiny, aquamarine orbs drifted open lazily and blinked up at Wufei. "Hey."

"Hey, yourself." Wufei whispered back, leaning forward slightly to steal a kiss. Quatre obliged and soon the two were playfully wrestling with their tongues for dominance. But as always, Wufei won as Quatre relented, letting him probe and explore to his own satisfaction. Well, it wasn't as if he wasn't enjoying it!

The two exchanged lazy kisses, unwilling to get out of bed and Wufei being unable to. Placing a few nipping kisses as the corners of Quatre lips he murmured lovingly to his sweet angel.

"Love you."

"Love you too." Quatre sighed back, before taking Wufei's lips in another passionate kiss. The two continued until Duo showed signs of stirring. Then they quickly pulled back and watched as Duo slowly rose to wakefulness. Amethyst eyes blinked in sweet confusion as he found himself laying across a warm body and found another behind him. Strangely enough, neither presence was threatening, instead merely offering comfort.

Twisting around, he came face to face with blond hair and blue eyes. Familiar. He looked to his right and found onyx orbs. Familiar too. Then he looked back and forth and flushed, taking in the kiss swollen lips of both. He scrambled up quickly and sat by their feet, chestnut hair in a disarray.

"I...am sorry for intruding." He mumbled quietly, eyes downcast. He didn't want to come in between Wufei and Quatre. Just like he had between Trowa and Heero. But now he understood that it was his fault that he had clung on to Heero when all he wanted was Trowa. He had no right to be mad at them. But that didn't stop him from loving Heero even now.

Wufei sat up and grabbed his hand as he started to get up. "No. You're not intruding. We are the ones who offered. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Duo merely ducked his head, knowing that it would be pointless to argue otherwise. He kept his eyes downcast until he felt a warm hand cupping his cheek. He started and looked up at Quatre who was smiling at him gently.

"How are you? Feel better?"

Duo stared into Quatre's eyes, unable to comprehend. Of course, he was all right. This sort of shit happened all the time back in L2. It even happened when he was a kid. A few cuts weren't going to make a difference.

He broke out of his reverie when he heard Quatre gasp. He quickly looked at the wide eyes and then at Wufei. "What's wrong?"

"Duo...you just lost a lot of blood. You nearly died! And...you don't care?" Quatre asked, hurt, pain, regret, guilt and...so many other things reflected in his eyes, that Duo was lost.

"No." Duo frowned. "It doesn't matter. What mattered was getting Trowa out of there, before that bastard decided to do something to him. After all, he had Heero waiting back here and I'm sure he was worried."

Quatre's eyes went impossibly wide and with a cry, he launched off the bed and ran out of the room and into the bathroom opposite the room, slamming the door. Duo simply sat still shocked. He had _never_ seen the blond move that fast and truthfully it was a little unnerving.

Turning to Wufei, he met the other's eyes, which seemed to be saddened by something. "What did I do?"

Wufei smiled a sad little smile that Duo had never seen before. The Chinese pilot leaned forward and cupped his cheek, looking into his eyes with wonder. Then he said something that Duo didn't understand.

"How can one be so selfless without knowing it, I truly do not know..."

The he just placed a gentle kiss on the American's forehead and left the room. Duo simply sat there, staring off into space, confused. _Selfless? Why, I'm the most selfish person I know! I think Wufei got his definitions mixed up..._

[......]

Stepping into the bathroom and quietly closing the door behind him, Wufei made his way towards the sink, where his lover stood shaking. Placing gentle hands on his shoulders, he turned Quatre around and brought him into his embrace.

Quatre was sobbing now, tears pouring down his pale cheeks. He clutched at Wufei, taking comfort in his arms and the hand that was stroking his back soothingly.

"Shh. It's okay. Calm down, love. It's okay..." Wufei murmured softly, running long graceful fingers through soft blond waves, a gesture he knew would comfort the other.

And it did. The sobs slowing ceased into a occasional hiccup but still Quatre held on to Wufei like a life line.

"It really doesn't matter? He didn't even care that he almost...died?" Quatre hiccupped softly.

"I don't think he did. He underestimates his importance to a lot of us."

"So...then Trowa was right, wasn't he? Duo didn't care because he had no one waiting for him. Not like...that." The blond whimpered softly, burying his face into Wufei's shirt.

"Yes, I'm afraid Duo does think of himself like that. I really do hope we can change that."

"It's not fair that he should feel this way!" the indignant outburst caught Wufei by surprise.

"I know, love. But after Heero left him and Duo actually saving his current lover, would you blame him? And I'm also pretty sure that there are lessons that he learnt in his past that go entirely too deep."

"I'm sorry. Sorry that this whole mess ever happened. I want things to go back to the way it was."

"That would mean that Heero was unhappy and Duo wouldn't want that."

"Wufei, I really don't think that Heero would have changed his mind if he hadn't gone on that mission with Trowa. I'm not blaming Trowa, but I think that getting to know him better was what changed Heero's mind. I don't think he was unhappy before."

"You maybe right, Quatre. But what's done is done. Now...we can only to try to get back to the normal routine that we had. But I suspect that it won't be so easy."

[......]

Wow...I actually updated during a weekday??? [blinks] aaahhh! What is the pile of unfinished homework doing on my desk??? Oops, right, I haven't done it yet. Looks like I have to get back to work. Be nice to me and give me reviews!! Maybe I can update this weekend...


	10. suicide?

Aiya! Its been over two weeks! So sorry! Motivation died...

**Disclaimer: **Don't own GW.

......

The rest of the day went by quietly. Too quietly. Duo remained sullen for most of the time, refusing to meet anyone's eyes and often isolated himself by settling down by the window, staring out at the rain. Even Heero was worried.

"Duo?" He called out from the doorway to the living room. Duo was yet again by that damned window where he spent so much of his time. The said pilot simply turned and looked at him, eyes blank and void. No expression crossed his face. Not one sound escaped from his lips.

"Dinner's ready." Heero managed to say before fleeing back to the kitchen. Seeing Duo so lifeless, chilled him to the very bone. Everything about the once cheerful pilot who had captured his heart was gone. Or maybe it was never there. Maybe it was all just a façade that he had been to blind to see through. Maybe, just maybe.

Everyone was gathered at the food table and the tension in the air was so thick that it could be sliced with a knife. The silence was uncomfortable, Heero glancing at Duo and then his plate and then back again, Wufei eating calmly as though nothing was wrong, Trowa simply staring at the food like they were aliens and the Quatre who looked at all of them and fidgeted. Only Duo was blankly, stirring around his food, unaware of his surroundings.

Suddenly, Duo pushed his chair back and stood up. "I'm not hungry. I'm going upstairs."

Wufei immediately looked up from his food with a frown etched on his features. "Duo, you have to eat."

"Please, Wufei?" Amethyst eyes pleaded him to let go, to let him return to the safe haven of his room. Wufei reluctantly agreed and watched as Duo made his way out of the room. He still had trouble moving on his own, but refused any help.

Everything was silent. No scraping of spoons or the sounds of eating were heard. It was in a way a mutual agreement to keep the silence.

"He-He looks a lot different." Trowa said in an attempt to break the silence that was starting to get too stifling.

Wufei shot him a look and the other immediately shut up, backing off while he still could. Wufei in protective mode was a scary thing.

"I wish he would ask for help." Quatre said, frowning. "It hurts to see him hurting. And I don't mean just the physical wounds." He finished, unconsciously rubbing his chest with his hand. He often did that when he felt uneasy about something. Wufei noticed it.

"I know what you mean." Wufei replied, reaching out a hand and stopping Quatre's rubbing. The blond smiled sheepishly before dropping his hand and entwining his fingers with Wufei's.

"He's scared to sleep alone. Last night really did him in. Wufei could hardly get him to let go." Quatre smiled a little at last night's memory, thinking back to how vulnerable Duo had looked.

"Then where did he sleep last night?" Heero spoke for the first time in the conversation. Just because he didn't say much doesn't mean that he wasn't concerned.

"With us. On our bed." Quatre replied to his question. In a spilt second, Heero was up from his chair and glaring at the two.

"WHAT?"

Quatre frowned at him. "I said that since he was too afraid to sleep on his own, he slept on our bed with us."

Heero bristled. "Are you trying to take advantage of his vulnerable state? Because if you are, then you have another thing coming to you!"

"HEERO!" Wufei stood up from his chair and glared back, while Quatre looked horrified. "Our intentions are not so dishonorable. Maybe you could have stood by and watched him suffer, but I certainly could not! If Duo isn't going to get the comfort from you, then he's going to get it from me because I care about him!"

With that he stormed out of the room, leaving the other behind. Quatre looked at him with wide aquamarine eyes and said in a bleak voice. "I didn't expect you to be that low, Heero." With that he got up and left the room too, leaving behind a very disgruntled Heero.

Wufei huffed angrily as he strode down the hallway. How dare Heero accuse them of something so...so dishonorable! Ugh!

As he walked past the upstairs bathroom, he paused hearing a strange noise. Walking soundlessly, he went closer to the door and listened closely. There! A small whimper. But who?

He opened the door and looked inside, and then thought that his heart would stop for shock. Blood littered the floor, staining the stark white with a bloody red. So much blood. In the middle of the puddle, lay Duo, his wrists slashed and one hand holding a razor blade limply.

"DUO!" He screamed as he rushed inside and gathered up the unconscious pilot, not caring if the blood stained his white clothes. "Duo!" He cried out, shaking the pilot. "Oh god! Why?!"

"Wufei? What's-" Quatre eyes widened as he saw his lover and his friend in the midst of blood. "Oh no..."

......

sorry, its so short! I can't help it! SCHOOL MUST DIE!!!!

If you would like me to update next week, please let me know. If I don't get enough motivation, I tend to put things off and let homework take over! Eep!

Reviewww!


	11. revelations

Three weeks without update on this story as left me rusted...so do forgive any silliness/patheticness of this chapter!

**Discalimer:** don't down GW. Merely borrowing them for entertainment

**(......)**

Wufei sat nervously in the living room, playing with his hands. The tension in the air was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Sighing softly, he leaned back, turning to look at Quatre and Trowa quietly conversing in the corner. The blond's eyes were red from crying. Trowa looked impassive as always but Wufei could spot the anguish in those emerald green eyes. Just because he didn't show his emotions too often didn't mean that he was unfeeling.

Turning his head to the other side, he saw Heero leaning against the wall, head bent, arms crossed over his chest and foot up against the wall. Anybody who would walk down those stairs would immediately be subject to the 'famous death glare' that Duo had often been a victim of before. Now he was pretty immune to it, not that he actually saw Heero a lot since...the incident.

Just then they heard a door open and spotted Sally coming downsatirs. Heero immediately pushed off the wall and came to stand in her way.

"Well?" He asked in that stoic voice. So calm and carefree. Wufei wanted to punch his lights out.

"What the hell happened to him?" She demanded, her eyes blazing. She looked back and forth between Heero and other pilots, waiting for an answer. When she got none, she bristled even more.

"His back looks like someone ripped it up. He looks pale and half starved to death, malnourished and dehydrated. He's only fifteen for god's sake and I can already see wrinkles and dark circles forming! And top of that, he tried to kill himself! Now do you mind telling me what the hell happened?" She hissed venomously.

When Heero did not reply, Wufei stepped forward. "Come with me to the kitchen." He said shortly. "This is going to take a while."

**(......)**

"No wonder Duo tried to kill himself." Sally sat back, her eyes wide after listening to Wufei's tale. "I'm surprised he's still alive after all that he went through."

Wufei sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. "I know, Sal. I just don't know what to do."

"These...nightmares. Do you know what they are about?" Sally asked as she took another sip of her tea.

"I suspected that it had something to do with his past. I asked Heero about it, since Duo told him almost everything, and he told me that it was the incident of the Maxwell church."

"Well, it would make sense that Duo would confide in Heero, them being lovers and all."

"Not anymore."

Sally almost choked on her tea. "What?"

Wufei sighed again, rising and rinsing out his empty cup. "They broke up." He said shortly.

"When? When the hell did this happen?" Sally's anger was now lashing out towards him and he winced internally. "Damn it, Chang! What the hell else are you hiding from me?!"

"Heero broke up with Duo maybe about three weeks back. And that in turn caused all these events."

"No shit! Where is Yuy? I'm going to kill that bastard!" Sally got up and strode out of the room, no doubt in search of Heero.

Wufei frowned unconsciously. Why would Sally be so bothered by what was happening between the pilots? Putting down the dishes, he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where she saw Sally grabbing Heero by his shirt and yelling into his face while the stoic soldier did nothing.

"You bastard! It's your damn fault that Duo is like this! Why did you have to do it, huh? Why!?"

"Sally, what is going on?" Quatre asked confused at seeing the normally serene doctor in a rage.

"Damn it, Quatre! You know what's going on! Didn't Duo tell you?" She asked looking at them desperately.

All became quiet then as Wufei stepped forward and asked, his voice dangerously low. "Tell us what?"

**(......)**

Meanwhile upstairs, Trowa was watching over Duo when he showed signs of rousing. His eyes fluttered open gently and Trowa almost sobbed with relief at seeing those amethyst orbs again.

"Duo?" He called softly, leaning over the bedridden pilot.

"Hm? Tro..wa..?" Duo croaked out as he tried to reach for his hand. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be dead."

"Damn it, Duo..." Trowa choked out, his eyes filling with tears. "You're not dead. Wufei found you at just the right time. Why? Why did you have to do it?"

"Didn't want to be...a burden..." He managed to murmur softly.

"You are not a burden. Why didn't you come talk to me? Or Wufei? Or Quatre? Or Heero for gods sake!"

Duo chuckled bitterly. "Heero hates me. Thinks that I hurt you. He was right. I did hurt you, didn't I?"

"What?" Trowa just looked confused. "Duo, you're not making any sense."

"Hurt you. All my fault. I hurt everyone. Solo, Father, Sister Helen, Heero, you..." He smiled hazily, his eyes glazed over. "He loves you. Not me. No one loves me. If they do, they die...they all die. You...you take good care of Heero. He...won't die because...of me..."

Trowa took a sharp breath, the tears in his eyes falling freely now. Duo continued unaware.

"I'm so cold, Trowa..." he said softly, as a shiver wracked through his body. "Why won't anyone ever keep me warm? Why won't they love me? Am I not worth it? Yeah, that's probably it. They all look at me and they probably say, 'hey, look. An ugly street rat. No one would ever want him.' Don't you think so?"

He lifted his hands and looked at the ghostly pale skin. "I want to fade away. I don't want to live anymore, Tro. I'm only causing everyone pain and misery. I should go now..." He tried to get up, but darkness quickly overcame him and he fell back on to the bed, unconscious.

Unnoticed by him, Trowa sat quietly and sobbed.

**(......)**

Three-day weekend! Woott! Welll, except for the fact that there is CHEMISTRY and I have to study for PSAT's! . well, will attempt update my other stories as well. I'm getting particularly fond of "Love that kills"....

Reviiewww!


	12. suggestions

Woot! You guys are awesome! And due to your wonderful support, here is an extra early update!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**(......)**

"Tell us what?"

"You know what!" Sally replied hotly. "You know that he was just starting to get better after his relationship started with Heero."

"Sally," Quatre interrupted gently though a frown was etched on his features. "We have no idea what you are talking about. What was Duo recovering from?"

Sally looked at him in astonishment. "You...really have no idea?" She asked disbelievingly. When the other shook his head, she let go of Heero and stepped back. "Oh god." She muttered as she scrubbed her face with her hands.

"Duo had depression." She stated at last looking at them wearily.

"...WHAT?"

Sally sighed and looked at all of the dumb founded pilots. "He had depression. He used to come to me for therapy sessions."

"Bu-but how? When? Why...it can't be...Duo?!?!"

"Yes, Duo. Didn't you guys notice how he used to disappear whenever you guys reported to the main base? That was for the sessions."

The pilots exchanged shocked looks. "But Duo...He's always so cheerful and ...and happy. How could he have depression?'

"Many things can cause depression." Sally explained. "People who have low self-esteem and a negative outlook on life often have a higher chance of becoming depressed. Duo was one of there cases."

"But...why didn't he tell us?"

"Probably because he was afraid of what you would think of him. I'm sure all of you know of his past, but none of you have seen them in horrific detail. I have. After nightmares, Duo told me that he often stayed up and sketched in detail his nightmares. In a way, it made him feel as though it was all in the past and that it wouldn't hurt him now. I've seen those pictures that he has drawn." Sally paused and shuddered slightly. "Horrible, that's what they are."

"His case took a turn for the better when Heero became an aspect of his life. He didn't just want to fight for revenge because then he felt that it would make him no different than the OZ. Which is why when he found Heero, he had something else to fight for. For Heero."

"Every battle he fought, he made himself think that it depended on Heero. Which is why when you broke it off with him and he went on his mission, there was no attempt for an actual escape. Once you had gone, his purpose in life had vanished, leaving him with nothing to fight for. And then the nightmares return, making him believe that he is worthless and that he deserves to die, which is what has happened here today. His attempt at suicide shows that he truly believes that he has no purpose and that will possibly be his downfall."

She finished and looked at the pilots' miserable faces. Wufei sat shocked, cradling a teary Quatre while Heero stared off into space opposite of them. Getting up from the couch he walked over to the window and stared out at the dark cloudy night, sprinkled with twinkling stars. How horribly fake they were. Nothing like his Duo. Nothing like his best friend, the one who understood him and taught him to love. And what had he done in return? Betrayed that love, betrayed that trust. In one moment, he had torn apart Duo's world, leaving his heart shredded at his feet and not even realizing it until too late. Now when Duo no longer wanted to live.

"God, I am a fool." He whispered harshly, his arms coming to wrap around himself. "I'm such a fool. He was in front of me the whole time and I couldn't even see." He trembled and a lone tear slipped free, trailing down his cheek, translucent in its descent. To go through the process of love and betrayal over and over again, how painful must it have been for Duo, he couldn't even come close to describing it.

"I...I need to tell him." He decided and turned around. "I need to tell him that I still love him." _Never mind that it wasn't true. If it helped, then I would be with him even if that meant that I couldn't be with Trowa._ He started to stride towards the stairs when Wufei suddenly got in his way.

"Do you?"_ Do you still love him?_ Heero knew what Wufei was talking about.

"Yes." _No._

The Chinese pilot stared hard at the other before shaking his head disappointedly, bringing one hand up and pushing Heero back. "Don't." _You lie._

"Wufei, I need to tell him!" Heero protested. _Please._

"At what cost?" Wufei shot back. "Your happiness with Trowa? Or the false sense of security that you are going to give Duo? And don't forget that if he finds out then he will be worse than he was before!"

"What else do you want me to do?" Heero yelled frustrated.

"I don't know!" The two pilots glared at each other until Wufei brought his hand up to run through his loose hair. "I don't know. But I can't stand by watching Duo live a lie. And you also for that matter."

Sally watched this whole argument with intent eyes, silent. Letting the other two duke it out. But now she spoke.

"Wufei." She called. The other turned around and regarded her. "Do you...love Duo?"

Two shocked pair of eyes turned to look at Wufei. Heero's and Quatre's. The Chinese pilot flushed and opened his mouth and shut it again. When he opened his mouth again, his voice was soft,

"I'll admit that I am attracted to Duo. I mean, he is smart, intelligent, handsome and loving. He is the brightest spirit among the five of us. But love? I don't know. I love Quatre. Do I love Duo? Maybe. Even if I don't I could see myself starting to love him."

Sally watched him as he said his speech and then nodded almost silently to herself. "I thought as much. And I can see that Duo accepts things from you more easily than he does from the others. After the nightmare, it was you who consoled him, was it not?"

"Well...Quatre was the one who did the consoling. I just held him."

Sally turned to Quatre. "What do you think about this, Quatre?"

The blond looked at Wufei and then back at Sally before looking at the ground. "I don't know. I suppose it's not much of a surprise that Wufei was attracted to Duo. Even I at one time was. But...How is all of this helping?"

"Could you see yourself developing feelings towards Duo?'

"Well...I suppose I can."

"Then would you be opposed to bringing him into your relationship? Not right away of course. But slowly and gradually as he starts to trust you more?"

"I'm not sure." He glanced at Wufei quickly. "I'll have to think about it and talk it over with Wufei."

"Well, then why don't you guys think about it? I have to leave now. The base needs me back." She got up from the couch and collected her things. "Let me know when you decide. Call my cell." Opening the door to the safe house, she paused. "If I hear that something happened to my little bro, I will hurt you all and have you put in for psych evaluations. Then I will lock you up with other mentally retarded prisoners. Got that?" After getting three dumb-founded nods, she smirked and left the safe house.

**(......)**

So I hope this kinda explains a little and makes things a little clearer. Other than that, I'll update the other stories on the weekend.

REVIEW!


	13. Emotions

Okay, I made Trowa really pathetic in this one. Sorry! I don't know what came over me.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own GW.

**(......)**

Trowa sat in Duo's room for a long while, just staring at the pale face of his best friend. Slack and withdrawn, malnourished and weak. What had happened to the vibrant pilot who used to be the light of their bloody lives, the purity that came along with childish innocence? Never mind that the innocence be a pretense.

His hand reached out on its own accord and brushed a few chestnut bangs out of the sleeping 15-year-old's face. 15-year-olds, Only fifteen and forced to fight a war that the older ones were afraid to face. Why did they have to be the ones to do it?

"Because there is no one else who can." He whispered out softly to his own question, long fingers coming to rest on a pale cheek as he repeated the words that Duo had spoken on a day so very long ago. "No one else who can...Oh dear god." He got up from his chair and kneeled down beside the bed and clasped his hands.

"Dear god, if you are up there, if you can hear me, please listen to my plea. I know I have never asked anything from you before, never even believed that you existed, but please. Keep him safe, lord. Make him well and keep him safe. He has gone through more than any child should have to and he has because of me. It is enough of a burden that I have to live with the guilt that all of this is my fault. Please...have mercy on him. Keep him safe."

He dropped his head to his clasped hands and repeated. "Please...please, keep him safe." His voice became thick with unshed tears, shudders starting to race through his body as he fought to regain control of his composure.

"Trowa?"

Heero stepped into the room and saw Trowa kneeling by the bedside, immediately over come with sense of trepidation. The Latin pilot looked up to see Heero standing at the doorway and his eyes pleaded for the security that Heero's arms would give him. The other immediately understood and stepped further into the room, opening his arms. Trowa let the tears fall and with a cry of anguish, launched himself into the other's embrace.

"Shh, its okay, love." Heero soothed immediately, running his fingers through the soft russet hair. "It's okay. Don't cry now. Everything will be fine." He continued to rock the other back and forth, bringing them to sit on the chair, holding Trowa on his lap. Murmuring soft reassurances, he comforted the distraught pilot, feeling a tight clenching in his own chest.

"Go back to him." Trowa whispered softly. "He needs you. Go back to him." _Even if in the meanwhile, it'll hurt me. _He made a pull to move away, but Heero's arms tightened around him and held him in place.

"Never." Heero whispered back fiercely. "I will never leave you. I have thought about it and if I go back to him, I wouldn't be following my emotions. And my emotions are telling me that I want to be with you. I need to be with you."

"Bu-But..."

"Wufei and Quatre are going to take care of that. They are going to try to bring him in into their relationship. I have a feeling that Wufei already loves Duo and he just doesn't know it yet. But don't you dare tell me to leave you. Never."

"What have I ever done to deserve you?" Trowa whispered. "I stole you from Duo. You were happy with him, weren't you?"

Heero sighed softly and leaned his head back against the chair, allowing Trowa more access to burrowing into his warmth. "Yes...I was happy. Happier than I had ever been. He had been the first one to break through all my defenses. He taught me how to love, how not to be afraid of showing emotions freely. He taught me how to live."

"Did I love him? I suppose in my own way I did. I thought that was the ultimate love. But it was not. Even though Duo would do anything for me, I would not have done the same for him then. It...wasn't that deep to me. Then I got to know you."

"You were everything that I ever wanted. Everything that I wanted to love and I realized that my love for you went deeper than anything, any mission, anything. Even my life. That night in that safe house, showed me where my feelings lay. And I knew that I had to break it off with him. I had betrayed him one night for going behind his back. And I did not want to hide us. I had no other choice."

"But I didn't think it would end up this way. Everything that had happened was due to the one little thing that I had done. If I could go back, would I have not broken it off with him? No, I still would have. But I would have tried to make sure that I didn't do it as the first thing when I got back, I would have tried to make sure that you didn't get on the base so that He didn't have to rescue you and get caught. But in the end, I would still want to be with you. I...love you. Nothing can change that. Nothing."

He lifted the tear stained face then and kissed him, slow, sweet and tender, pouring his love into it. Trowa responded in kind, desperate and needy, clutching him in a death grip. Maybe...just maybe, things would be all right.

**(......)**

...and that was a pathetically short chapter. Arrggh! When did I become such a bad writer? (looks at chapter and grimaces) yeeoch. Forgive me, I hope to do better on other. Lost my muse...

REVIEW! (even if it is to tell me how bad it is. Constructive critisism is VERY GOOD. Do it nicely though.)


	14. Part II A

New twist to the story. I feel bad about torturing Duo so much… XD

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Part II. A.**

It took a while, but Duo did heal. Slowly, but surely, he regained his strength back. The other pilots helped him the best that they could, but at times they too were at a loss. After a few tries, Duo declined Wufei's offer to join his relationship with Quatre. It was a selfless offer and Duo did love them, but not in a romantic sense. It would be too much awkward to have a relationship with someone who was like a brother in every sense.

The war ended and the pilots tried to settle into their new lives. Quatre immediately took charge of his father's business, his hand full with trying to manage WEI. Wufei, after paying his respects to his colony and Treize, moved in with Quatre, taking up a position in the Preventors. They were still together and were extremely happy.

Heero and Trowa had settled close by to Quatre's mansion. Both of them had also taken up positions as field agents in the Preventors. They lived in an apartment a couple of blocks from Quatre's place.

Duo on the other hand had lived with Quatre and Wufei for a while, before deciding to move out. It wasn't fair of him to live off of his friends. He moved to the same apartment complex as Trowa and Heero, due to Quatre mother-hen tendencies. The blond had wanted someone to keep watch over Duo, but that still didn't stop Duo from attempting suicide twice more. Luckily Trowa and Heero had been able to find him both times and save him.

To help him ground himself, the pilots persuaded him to join the Preventors. He had reluctantly agreed, not sure that this would do him much good. But they had been right. His depression had gotten better and though he still went to Sally at least once a month, he was content with his life. There were some…after effects that the war had left behind but it didn't stop him from living his life.

If someone touched him unexpectedly, he would flinch and move away. Even if he had warning before, his muscles would tighten just so before relaxing. And even since that mission, the one where he had been brutally tortured, he disliked the dark. Even at night, there was always a light on somewhere in his apartment. But through this all, he was still himself. Maybe not the vibrant joyful Duo from long ago, but a more calm, quiet Duo.

All in all, life wasn't so bad anymore.

**(……)**

Duo sighed for the fifth time in the last five minutes. His partner, Chang Wufei, twitched.

"Duo, either tell me what's wrong or stop sighing and get to work." He commanded shortly. Duo flushed and grimaced, crushing a piece of paper and throwing it at his partner's head. Wufei merely caught it without even giving it a glance and tossed it behind him, hearing the resounding thump as it landed in the middle of the trashcan behind him.

Five minutes later…_sigh._

Wufei frowned and turned in his seat so that he was facing Duo and folded his arms across his chest, relaxing against the back of the chair comfortably. "Talk." He said simply.

Duo almost sighed again but caught himself in time. "I don't know, Wu. Today's just not a very good day, I guess." And by that, Wufei translated, he was starting to feel depressed.

"You have been taking your medication, right?" He asked cautiously. He knew that Duo hated that question but it was his duty as a friend to ask it.

"Yes, Mama Chang!" Duo said exasperated. "It's not that. I just – oh forget it!" He threw his hands up in frustration and turned back to his sketchpad, starting to scribble again furiously.

Wufei observed the tense muscles in the hand that was moving almost frantically across the page. His mind immediately put two and two together, depressed and sketchbook equals bad night. He got up and walked over to Duo, snatching the sketchbook from underneath his hand and flipping to the page before. He had been right.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked, tossing the sketchbook aside. Duo scrubbed his hands over his face and raked a hand through his bangs.

"No, don't want to think about it. Damn it, it's been over seven years! Why the hell can't I forget it?"

"Because it impacted you greatly, Duo. It was your purpose to fight for so long, it doesn't make any sense for you to forget about it." Wufei soothed.

"Forget about what?" A new voice asked. Duo's eyes narrowed and he automatically closed himself off, while Wufei turned to look at Heero.

"Nothing really. What's up?"

"Mission for the four of us." He said, implying that Trowa was in on this too. "But we have two months to train under the Commander."

"Commander? Who would that be?" Wufei asked, frowning. They usually did their own missions and trained by themselves. This was new.

"Milliardo Peacecraft." Wufei's eyes widened at the name and then narrowed. Une expected them to train under their ex-enemy? What was that woman planning?

"Une knows that we work by ourselves. What was the need for her to put us under his command?" Heero merely shrugged, his expressionless face revealing nothing. Wufei simply sighed and rubbed a hand across his forehead. "Fine. When are we meeting?"

"0700 tomorrow." Heero replied before inclining his head in a nod and leaving. Wufei turned back to Duo, who had grabbed his sketchpad and had begun drawing again.

"You could have at least said hello, you know." The Chinese Preventor commented. Duo's only response was to scowl and scribble more furiously. God, he could be so stubborn sometimes.

"How long at you going to keep him at a distance, Duo?" Wufei desperately wanted Duo to be happy. He knew how lonely his best friend felt when they had paired off but no amount of persuading would convince him to start seeing someone.

"Leave it alone, Wu. I'll just deal with it my way." Duo said darkly, without looking up at him, his fingers were turning white, his grip on the pencil hard. "Besides, it's not like I never talk to him. Someday are just not particularly good, all right?"

Wufei sighed and pushed away from Duo's desk. "All right." _But sooner or later, you'll have to do something about it._

**(……)**

Review and let me know what you think! I know its been a while since I've updated, but I just got done with SAT and next week I have a concert so…yeah, It'll be a little slow. But please keep on reading! XD and review of course!


	15. Author's note

Author's note:

Hey, guys. I know that I haven't updated my stories in a while, but I have a lot of shit going on right now with school and other commitments. I will try to update as often as I can, but I think it might take me until summer vacation starts. I also need to rewrite a couple of stories like "Letting go." and such. So, just a Big THANK YOU for all of you who have been reading and waiting. I WILL FINISH all my stories. Just might take a little while. Thanks.

FI


End file.
